Hello and acceptable to Letters to Doug, your account question-and-answer cavalcade with me, Doug, a self-described automotive able in the faculty that I acquire endemic added automobiles than I acquire fingers and toes.
If you’re absorbed in accommodating in Letters to Doug with your own question, amuse accelerate me an e-mail at [email protected] I approved to get “LettersToDoug,” but it was already taken, accurate the old aphorism that “The aboriginal bird gets the Letters to Doug e-mail address.”
Anyway, on to this week’s letter, which comes to us from a actuality in the United Kingdom alleged Charles. (This is what anybody in the United Kingdom is named.) Charles writes:
In the UK we acquire to acquire our cars inspected every year to accomplish abiding our cars are safe to be on the roads. This started because in column war Germany bodies were accepting accidents due to active alarming cartage so the British army created a analysis alleged a MOT. We acquire to acquire one so we can assure the car. This agency that alley user who obey the law drives a car that is safe and hopefully insured.
I acquire been in abounding country’s that don’t acquire an mot and a majority of the cartage are and blow cat-and-mouse to appear but I acquire to acquire that they are poor third apple country’s. Where as the United States of America would be classed as a aboriginal apple country. Why can’t the government acquaint the 50 states that the cartage charge to canyon a binding analysis to be apprenticed on accessible roads
Sent from my iPhone
Ah, Charles, you’ve asked a acceptable question: one that transcends simple automotive analysis and cuts appropriate into the hearts and minds of the differences amid British and American citizenry. Fortunately, I am the absolute actuality to acknowledgment this catechism because I acquire ample acquaintance with both countries, in the faculty that a) I acquire been an American aborigine my accomplished life, and b) I already visited London back I was a child, and I bethink attractive up at Big Ben and thinking: I cannot yet acquaint time on one of those clocks.
So afore I acknowledgment your question, I charge acquaint you that the blow of the apple array of sees the U.K. as a bit of a assistant state. What I beggarly actuality is that I don’t anticipate anyone would absolutely be afraid if the U.K. afflicted its official name from The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland to The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Helicopter Parents. The new covering of accoutrements would accommodate careful pond goggles.
Now, afore you get up in accoutrements here, acquiesce me to adduce a few examples. Number one: you acquire acceleration cameras everywhere. And I beggarly everywhere. Accessible apartment projects acquire acceleration cameras in the hallways to accomplish abiding accouchement aren’t active too fast.
Number two: you acquire approved cameras everywhere. A actuality cannot airing about the U.K. after actuality captured on some array of CCTV camera. If the accepted bearings had been in abode back Stonehenge was built, they never would’ve gotten the aboriginal bedrock in place. They would’ve been spotted on CCTV, bedfast by police, and fined bags of pounds by Health and Assurance regulators for application an actionable barter to carriage actionable rocks.
Number three: the U.K. has instituted porn filters on the Internet. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: if you appetite to see porn on the Internet in the U.K., you acquire to alarm your Internet account provider and absolutely let them apperceive that you appetite to opt in to the porn websites. This is a blast alarm you acquire to make, to some woman sitting in a behemothic alarm centermost in Scotland. “Hello Charles,” she will say. “My name is Charles. I apprehend you appetite to watch gay chicanery on the Internet?”
So the U.K. has developed article of a acceptability for actuality a bit bedeviled with safety, which is why it doesn’t abruptness me that there’s an anniversary government analysis to actuate the roadworthiness of automobiles. Here’s how I doubtable conversations go, back it’s time for your anniversary analysis with the mechanic:
Mechanic: I’m sorry, Charles, but I acquire to abort you. Your platypus rod is out of whack.Customer: Damn you, Charles! I would bite you appropriate now, if we weren’t on camera!Stonehenge: Can I opt in to see the porn websites?
Whereas actuality in the U.S., we are the adverse of a assistant state. What I beggarly by this is, we acquiesce bodies to do appealing abundant whatever they want, whenever they want, including shoot their adolescent citizens in the face with actionable firearms. That’s the American way! we say, amusement with the blitheness that alone a chargeless man can understand, as we arch off to our lawyer’s appointment to acknowledge medical bankruptcy.
So my point actuality is that Americans would never angle for an anniversary agent analysis arrangement dictated by the federal government. In fact, the joy of America’s ablaze autonomous arrangement is that such legislation could never get anesthetized in the aboriginal place. What would appear is, Congress would attack to canyon it, but we Americans would acceleration up, and protest, and demonstrate, and accuse about the ineptitude, and greed, and amateurishness of Congress. And again we would re-elect 94 percent of them every brace years anyway.
No, I’m aloof kidding. What would absolutely appear is, the Democrats would anon accuse that such a action would unjustly abuse poor people, because they’re the ones active about in earlier cars that won’t accede with the new rules. And Republicans would anon accuse that such a action unjustly punishes them, because there would apparently be a adjustment advertence that you can no best jack your auto barter to the aforementioned acme as a two-story building. And again Congress would annihilate the bill in committee, while accompanying casual one that recognizes May 23 as National Lamp Shade Awareness Day.
Interestingly, Charles, I should agenda that some states do acquire agent inspections. Actuality in Pennsylvania, for instance, I afresh had to get my Range Rover inspected. What happened was, I brought it in to a state-regulated analysis facility, and the guy abaft the adverse was watching Russian birr cam videos on YouTube, so he told me to authority on for a few account until he finished. (I affirm this is true.) Again he asked me if I adapted my Range Rover, and I said no, so he apparent “PASSED” on the accompaniment analysis anatomy after anytime absolutely aperture the hood. Again he answerable me eighty bucks.
So I anticipate you can see that we acquire things appealing able-bodied covered actuality in America, Charles, and we acutely don’t charge any advice from you. Now if you will alibi me, I’m off to go bless National Lamp Shade Awareness Day.
@DougDeMuro is the columnist of Plays With Cars. He endemic an E63 AMG wagon and already approved to balk badge at the Tail of the Dragon application a arch boat. (It didn’t work.) He formed as a administrator for Porsche Cars North America afore abandonment to become a writer, abundantly because it meant he no best had to abrasion pants. Also, he wrote this absolute bio himself in the third person.
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