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Don’t attending abroad from the screen! Don’t go to the acknowledgment angle for a beer! You’ll absence something, because football keeps dispatch up.

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The burning breach is causing absolute snaps per adventurous to increase. Aftermost season, the New England Patriots airtight the brawl six added times per adventurous than they did a decade ago — and that’s a allegory to a ascendant aggregation that won the Cool Basin adjoin Carolina. The New Orleans Saints airtight the brawl four added times per adventurous than a decade ago. The Buffalo Bills airtight the brawl eight added times per adventurous than a decade ago — and the 2013 Bills were a run-first offense. Abounding if not best NFL teams are application some adaptation of burning snaps.

The NFL is activity no-huddle, too. The absolutely invaluable absolute website Football Outsiders calculates that a decade ago, 3 percent of NFL downs were no-huddle; by 2012, 6.6 percent were; aftermost division it rose to 12.2 percent. Chicago, Denver, New England, Philadelphia and San Diego spun the scoreboard in 2013 application no-huddle tactics; added teams may hunt their beforehand in 2014.

And the no-huddle atom may be alike higher. No-huddle stats appear from the alliance adventurous books, which are declared to agenda “no-huddle” for anniversary bottomward afterwards the acceptable pre-snap board meeting. But official scorers don’t assume to use a compatible accepted on this notation. For example, Football Outsiders activate that for 2013 Chargers abroad games, scorers listed 30 percent of San Diego snaps as no-huddle; for Chargers home games, the Qualcomm Stadium scorer said there were aught no-huddle plays. The absolute no-huddle atom league-wide for 2013 may acquire been appreciably academy than 12.2 percent.

Comedy is accelerating in college, too. A decade ago, FBS teams averaged 68 snaps per contest; aftermost season, the boilerplate was 71, and that’s demography into anniversary NCAA clock-rule changes that were advised to abbreviate games. Not alone does Oregon run the Becloud Offense, abounding academy amateur assume to go by in a blur. During the offseason, Alabama’s Nick Saban lobbied abominably for added NCAA aphorism changes to abash the quick snap. Aerial bottomward the acreage is the sole affair the Crimson Tide don’t do absolutely well, so Saban would like the tactic restricted. Few who watched aftermost New Year’s Eve’s fantastically absorbing basin adventurous amid Duke and Texas A&M — dueling no-huddle offenses, 150 absolute snaps and 100 credibility — are acceptable to agree.

(Aside on Duke: David Cutcliffe won the Maxwell Club and American Football Coaches Association 2013 Drillmaster of the Year awards. That’s right, a Duke football, not basketball, drillmaster was academy drillmaster of the year — this is not a misprint. Cutcliffe additionally told me aftermost winter that abounding of the game’s assembly are a lot added afraid about bloom abuse and money accent than they’re absolution on.)

Not alone is comedy on the acreage accelerating, so is the way in which football is perceived. The NFL’s Red Zone approach is a seven-hour Sunday hunt of ceaseless snaps — no commercials, no pauses for a abysmal breath, aloof breeze afterwards breeze afterwards breeze from about the league. Red Zone has aloof one presenter, the admirable Scott Hanson, because there wouldn’t be any time for banter. And if Red Zone isn’t head-spinning enough, you can subscribe to NFL Adventurous Rewind and watch in “condensed” approach — all snaps, annihilation else.

As the nation’s No. 1 activity — as the baron of sports — pro football holds a mirror to association in abounding respects. Aloof as all American activity seems faster, louder, crazier, so too with football. The antecedent U.S. civic pastime, baseball, is apathetic and graceful. Try to brainstorm no-huddle baseball with, say, bristles abnormal accustomed amid pitches. You can’t brainstorm that because it would never work. But like U.S. society, football is acquiescent to actuality sped up. And the dispatch of how football is played may become added arresting this season.

In added news, aing week’s Tuesday Morning Quarterback will accomplish a aloft announcement: the acceptance of ESPN Grade, an all-new way to anticipate about academy football rankings. Here’s a hint: ESPN Cast takes the NCAA at its chat and ranks football-factory schools as if the players absolutely are student-athletes.

Now for TMQ’s anniversary assay of offseason nonsense:

And She Did So Able-bodied in the Disguise Competition: The Absence Florida anniversary crowned the amiss woman.

Scotty, What Do You Mean Starfleet Can’t Get Spare Parts? Contest in Ukraine led to a rocket abettor shortage.

I Am Not Authoritative This Up: Iceland denied a authorization to a 10-year-old babe because her name is Harriet. The Icelandic Allotment Board allegation acquire all children’s names. Aloof be beholden you alive in a chargeless nation that doesn’t acquire a allotment committee, area anyone can name a adolescent Fairy or Legend.

Arrested for Stealing Jokes: A New York accompaniment bail-jumper active in Pennsylvania was bent afterwards he talked to a bounded bi-weekly for its adventure on whether the Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons should change their name. Serves him right! The adduce he offered — “the Redskins should accumulate their name but change their logo to a potato” — is a Tony Kornheiser line.

Longtime TMQ Fans Bethink This Line: A Wisconsin physician was accursed for thong-based reasons.

Singing Proof of Charge for Scholarship Reform: The anniversary that a Yale men’s basketball amateur autonomous to sing with the Whiffenpoofs for a year shows the amount of scholarships controlled by the apprentice rather than by the coach. In the Ivy League, athletes acquire alone approved banking aid, not sports-performance-tied aid. The multiyear sports scholarship makes an NCAA acceding added like approved banking aid. The time has come.

Brainstorm If Warren G. Harding Accidentally Clicked on Reply All: Steamy adulation belletrist accounting by Admiral Harding went on affectation at the Library of Congress, area for decades they’d been beneath lock and key. Harding declared his adulation for his bedmate was “mad, tender, devoted, ardent, eager, passion-wild.” Oh, those roaring ’20s: Harding won the White House by acquisition James Cox, who afar one woman in adjustment to wed addition — which at the time was absolutely scandalous. The 29th admiral died aback in office, accounted to acquire been berserk by his wife aback she credible the paramour. Today, his wife would assurance a book accord and the two women would accomplish a collective actualization on “The View.”

World’s Oldest Profession Meets Big Data: The government of France appear it would not accommodate corruption in the country’s GDP. Wait — apprehend the advertisement carefully, afar will be revenues from actionable aspects of prostitution, which in France bureau operating a brothel or arrears . Advantageous an developed for on a consensual base is accustomed in France, and the acquirement generated already is factored into the country’s GDP. Italy and the United Kingdom will activate to accommodate the after-effects of actionable biologic ambidextrous in their GDPs — acceptance politicians to acknowledge bread-and-er growth.

Aggregation Basketball Trounces AAU Basketball: TMQ contends the best agitative comedy in basketball is not the bang douse or the continued 3 but the layup — because layups don’t appear afterwards aggregation play. Aggregation comedy is the aspect of academy basketball, but is disdained in abundant of the NBA, area look-at-me dominates and affirmed affairs acquiesce players to abstain coaches. Appropriately your columnist was captivated as San Antonio blew Miami off the cloister in the NBA Finals application aggregation basketball.

Aback the Spurs were on offense, there were so abounding quick passes — generally the brawl afflicted calmly six or seven times on a ascendancy — the activity looked like a video on fast forward. Aback the Heat had the ball, motion came to a arrest as four Miami players stood watching a assistant go one-on-one. By the third division of the fifth game, Miami was so abashed aggravating to stop San Antonio’s layups that the Heat larboard the 3-point band unguarded: the Spurs alone bristles 3-pointers, four of them uncontested, and the blow was filler. Why was Miami so abashed aggravating to stop San Antonio layups? Because the Heat acquire no acquaintance arresting plays! They don’t run any themselves, and rarely see them from opponents.

As clairvoyant Larry Holyoke notes, this econometric abstraction finds that “despite the acutely able accumulation allurement to win the NBA title, accommodating comedy absolutely diminishes during playoff games, abnormally affecting aggregation performance.” During the Finals, 67 percent of Spurs baskets followed an assist; alone 43 percent of Miami baskets did. Little-known Kawhi Leonard won MVP, and it was abundant fun to watch him active circles about LeBron James.

TMQ’s fav of the alternation was Boris Diaw, the victor’s baton for assists in the Finals — 5.8 per game, bigger than point bouncer Tony Parker. A big man who throws define passes is a almighty weapon, as San Antonio demonstrated. But he’s a almighty weapon alone if you’re arena aggregation basketball, and best NBA clubs don’t. Diaw was waived by Charlotte in 2012, for the sin of actuality bigger at casual than slam-dunking. Aback the Bobcats waived Diaw, they are 64-126. Aback the Spurs active him, they are 181-63 with afterwards appellation appearances.

Do so abounding NBA teams comedy the AAU one-on-one appearance because players won’t acquire to coaches, or because the one-on-one appearance is what audiences want? Certainly there are advantageous barter who would rather see dunks and long, crazy leash attempts than backdoors off a accessory screen. And the NBA has so abounding teams that are abominable and acceptable to break that way — apprenticed for the Milwaukee Bucks, Jabari Parker will never be heard from afresh — that players adeptness as able-bodied try for dunks to absorb those adventurous souls who adventure out for games.

But the Spurs’ ascendancy application aggregation basketball, occurring at the aforementioned time James and Carmelo Anthony acquire struggled in the postseason application the AAU style, answers the “Big Question” about basketball. Melo’s NBA teams are 23-43 in the playoffs, including 2-8 against the Spurs; his appearance wilts aback the burden is on. James is now 2-3 in Finals appearances, with an all-embracing 11-16 record. Tim Duncan is 5-1 in the Finals, with an all-embracing 23-11 record. Aback a LeBron James AAU-style everybody-look-at-me club faces a San Antonio let’s-help-each-other club in the Finals, aggregation basketball is 11-5. There may be a accepted catechism about which appearance the army prefers. As to which appearance is superior, the catechism is settled.

Area U.S. Political Tactics Failed, U.S. Commercial Tactics Succeed: A McDonald’s opened in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, aing Burger King, Dunkin Donuts, KFC and Starbucks, already there. The Ho Chi Minh City Starbucks appearance the Asian Dulce Latte. As allotment of the store-opening celebration, Starbucks admiral visited a primary school, which brought the acceptance “immense joy and laughter.”

Should Acquire Been Recycled Into a Gigantic Kate Upton: In China, a gigantic bronze of Marilyn Monroe was tossed into a debris dump.

Spotted a 50-to-1 Lead, Eric Cantor Activate a Way to Lose: House Majority Baton Eric Cantor spent $5.4 amateur on a primary run and won 28,898 votes — $187 per vote. Challenger David Brat spent $122,000 and drew 36,110 votes — $3 per vote. Can you assumption which one is the economics assistant and which one is the Washington cabal with no faculty of money discipline? Politico appear Cantor’s agents spent added on high-end steakhouse dinners than Brat spent on his absolute campaign. Afterwards the beauteous upset, the aforementioned able pundits who had no clue it was advancing confidently bogus across-the-board predictions about the impact.

Brat said his achievement was a “miracle from God.” Some use abstracts of accent such as this because they appetite to complete humble. But the anniversary came aloft as arrogant — suggesting God does annihilation as bags die in cool wars, yet intervened on Earth to addition David Brat’s career. The another is that it was not a amount of accent and Brat absolutely believes he was alleged via all-powerful intervention. Politicians who acquire they were alleged by God acquire acquired abounding of the disasters of animal history.

Best Band of the Offseason: Autograph in The Washington Monthly, Michelle Cottle declared that Chelsea Clinton should name her babyish President.

New York Anniversary addendum Clinton was paid $600,000 by NBC for accomplishing “basically nothing,” accepting the asset partly for “interviewing” the Geico lizard. If NBC, endemic by Comcast, handed $600,000 to Hillary Clinton, this would anniversary huge complications for the network, should she run for appointment again. Handing $600,000 to Chelsea allegedly buys Clinton ancestors goodwill, afterwards active afield of attack law.

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The Sub Should Acquire Submerged Afterwards Cogent Him: Kim Jong Un had himself photographed as he allegedly auditioned for the cool villain role in a Bond move.

To Be Filmed on Area in Moscow: Edward Snowden declared he was not aloof a deskbound CIA analyst, rather, had been a field-operations spy. Conceivably his motive was authoritative the cine accord added attractive. Alike for a man who’s been in all-embracing headlines, there’s alone so abundant Hollywood abeyant for watching, say, Shia LaBeouf archetype abstracts assimilate beam drives while casual about furtively. If Snowden was a spy, he can be played by Bradley Cooper and depicted rappelling bottomward the alfresco of the Burj Khalifa in Dubai as helicopters blaze missiles, or arch the FBI on a car hunt through the ambagious streets of Davos, Switzerland. Who should be the adulation absorption in the Snowden biopic? Jennifer Aniston is too obvious, Kristen Wiig is too smart, Kristen Bell would abduct the movie. Olga Kurylenko would be absolute — a adorableness with a abstruse Eastern European background.

#Eavesdrop: The CIA got a Twitter anniversary @CIA. Wired anniversary biographer Steve Silberman had the best line: “In @CIA’s case, ‘follows you’ is redundant.” The CIA’s new website offers a FAQs folio (“CIA operations admiral do use some chic ‘spy gadgets'”) and a alternative of kids games. Attractive for autograph advice? Consult the CIA appearance guide.

Added the CIA Admired Him on Facebook: The appearance of the CIA base arch for Afghanistan was exposed, not by Edward Snowden, but by the White House columnist office.

Antic Industry Takes a Pie to the Face: Barter alignment Clowns of America declared a looming antic shortage. On the added side, a thousand clowns could allotment a cab to the aing Apple Antic Association convention.

“Pomp and Circumstance” Played as Athletes Acquire Their APR Acquiescence Certificates: The NCAA appear student-athletes ” abide to accomplish assets academically.” So they are accepting able GPAs, afresh graduating? Actually, the NCAA said annihilation about that. The affirmation of “gains academically” was based on schools accepting acceptable numbers for the NCAA’s Bookish Beforehand Amount — a artificial calibration on which it’s aing to cool not to acquire a acceptable score.

The Bookish Beforehand Amount was created in 2003 to alter absorption from graduation rates. Scoring is manipulated to ensure about every academy gets aing to the maximum. The latest NCAA advertisement says the APR boilerplate is 976 on a calibration of 1,000. Converting to GPA, the boilerplate is an A!

Alone 17 of the football and men’s basketball programs of the NCAA’s 1,281 affiliate institutions bootless to accommodated the APR’s rolling-off-a-log-easy targets in the best contempo year. That’s 1.3 percent. How can a metric acquire acceptation if 98.7 percent are aloft average?

By the strangest and best amazing coincidence, the APR is manipulated such that exploited programs are accepted while money-losing programs get sanctioned. In men’s basketball, the NCAA threw the book at the cast of Houston Baptist and University of Axial Arkansas — programs that don’t accomplish money for the NCAA. The University of Wisconsin, a men’s Final Four team, breeding millions for the NCAA, was not sanctioned. Aggregate is adequate at Wisconsin men’s basketball, according to the APR metric. Pay no absorption to the Badgers’ 44 percent graduation rate.

In football, the NCAA threw the book at the cast of Savannah Accompaniment and Saint Francis of Pennsylvania. According to the APR, everything’s adequate at Division I best Florida State, area the football graduation amount is 58 percent. The NCAA is bashful about football academics at exploited programs — but the Alcorn Accompaniment women’s volleyball aggregation knew the NCAA’s wrath.

Not alone does the APR acquiesce the NCAA to beforehand the cool pretense that affiliate schools boilerplate an A for able-bodied academics, it allows colleges to breath up credible sports-and-classroom achievements. In the SEC, South Carolina wants you to apperceive its football  APR hit 980 and offers a photo of handsome adolescent athletes in cap and gown. South Carolina’s football graduation amount is 65 percent — one amateur in three fails to acquire a cap and gown, acceptance accepting bristles years in academy and not accepting to pay. (Running out of money is the best accepted acumen undergraduates abort to complete degrees.)

This is how the SEC looks by football APR:

Missouri, South Carolina: 980

Alabama: 975

Mississippi State, Vanderbilt: 974

Texas A&M: 971

Florida: 969

Georgia: 967

Auburn: 965

LSU, Ole Miss: 946

Kentucky: 937

Arkansas: 935

Tennessee: 932

This is how the SEC looks by football graduation rate:

Georgia, Vanderbilt: 82 percent

Florida: 77 percent

LSU, Missouri, Texas A&M: 74 percent

Alabama: 73 percent

Auburn: 70 percent

South Carolina: 65 percent

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Tennessee: 64 percent

Kentucky: 62 percent

Mississippi State: 59 percent

Ole Miss: 55 percent

Arkansas: 54 percent

If the metric is football APR, South Carolina sparkles; if the metric is football graduation, South Carolina is middling. Arkansas almost got aloft 50 percent by football graduation rate, yet boasts an APR of 935, aing to perfection. The SEC APR boilerplate is 961 — that is, the boilerplate is an A. The SEC football graduation boilerplate is 70 percent — that is, the boilerplate is a C.

The key abracadabra of the APR is that it does not admeasurement education, rather, alone measures institutional acquiescence with NCAA minima. At a job account no employer anytime asks, “Did you appear an APR-compliant institution?” The catechism is, “Did you alum from college?”

Details of how the NCAA affected the APR, and its activity as a appearance for the failings of big-college sports, are in my book ” The Baron of Sports,” out in anthology soon. Addition accomplished account best is the Football Outsiders Almanac 2014. This anniversary aggregate is hands-down no-kidding absolutely-definitively-positively the best absolute assay of the sport.

Outsourcing Outer Space: India launched a Mars mission that amount beneath than the cine “Gravity.”

Fan Mail from Some Flounder? Active in a Department of Agriculture address about wildlife dead by federal agents was chat that an abettor attack and dead a aerial squirrel. Had the accumulate aureate into belted airspace? At diminutive they absolved his pal the talking moose!

The Jerry Rice of Canada: Geroy Simon, one of the top CFL players ever, retired at age 38. His 16,352 career accepting yards trails alone the you-can’t-touch-this 22,895 yards put up by Jerry Rice.

Caron Butler Watch: Aftermost summer about this time, TMQ acclaimed that aback NBA accepted managers don’t acquire annihilation abroad to do, they barter Caron Butler. Aback that item, Butler has been traded from the Clippers to the Suns; afresh traded to the Bucks; afresh bought out and active with the Thunder; afresh appear by Oklahoma City, acceptance Butler to assurance with the Pistons. Bristles jerseys in a year. How continued until Detroit is alive the phones aggravating to acquisition a barter accomplice to booty him?

The Missiles Were Aimed at the Aegis Budget: Following a aspersion involving amateurishness in the administration of ICBMs, the Air Force said the band-aid would be to put a four-star general, rather than a three-star, in allegation of the intercontinental ballistic missile program.

All the casework appetite added four-star slots, endlessly lobbying Congress to actualize them. Anyone who alcove three-star badly desires the fourth brilliant for the added authority and pension. The top three-star alimony is about $170,000 annually, while a four-star in his or her aboriginal 60s can retire with up to $270,000 annually for life. Set a why taxpayers whose best Social Security alimony is $31,704 should accommodate a retired accepted with nine times as much. (Being a banderole administrator is the diminutive chancy role in the military.) The aberration amid three-star and four-star pensions works out to about an added $2 amateur over a archetypal activity expectancy. So in acknowledgment for the Air Force crumbling to administer nuclear-tipped missiles correctly, some advantageous Air Force accepted receives a $2 amateur bonus.

On the added ancillary of this issue, the Navy’s aboriginal changeable four-star was named.

Not Alike OmniCorp Can Face Bottomward Detroit’s Public-Sector Pensions: To admire the reboot of the “Robocop” franchise, which depicts Detroit as hell on Earth, an amateur dressed as the appellation appearance threw the aboriginal angle at a Tigers game. Adding insult to injury, the big-budget flick depicting Detroit as hell on Earth was filmed in Canada — Hollywood producers capital to beacon ablaze of absolute Detroit.

Adeptness Fails in NBC Writers’ Meetings: Adamantine to anamnesis that the hot prime-time appearance in the abatement of 2012 was NBC’s “Revolution,” which in May 2014 whimpered to a arrest afterwards alike attempting to explain the aberrant mysteries that drew admirers to aboriginal episodes. Producers had filmed a Division 2 bewilderment that would set up Division 3. Aback the appearance was cancelled, what was declared to be the Division 2 afterpiece aired as the alternation finale, answer nothing. Now admirers will never acquisition out what was activity on. And the writers will never acquisition out, either.

Abundant Development for Admissions Departments of Colorado Colleges: Anniversary report: “A huge billow of marijuana smoke drifted into the air as bags in Denver acclaimed Colorado’s aboriginal 4.20 day.”

If Alone Kinki University Opened a Campus in a Accompaniment Area Pot Is Legal: Annoyed of alert to wisecracks, Japan’s Kinki University appear its name will change to Kindai University. This recalls Pennsylvania’s Beaver College, which, annoyed of alert to wisecracks, afflicted its name to Arcadia University.

Bogus with Pure, Natural Subatomic Particles: A Colorado aggregation claimed to acquire developed a cooler sunscreen. Afterwards acceptable barter their beef accommodate ” electrons, protons, quarks, muons, etc.,” the aggregation promises to fix “tissue disharmonies by carrying benign radio frequencies to the beef application baptize as a carrier. The frequencies we use acquire been bent by a proprietary algebraic blueprint that allows us to about-face architect best substances.”

“We Should Never Acquire Accustomed Those Geckos the Vodka,” Arena Controllers Lamented: Russia’s amplitude bureau absent ascendancy of a assay analysis accessory aboard which geckos were mating.

Mega-Babe News: Archetypal Emily Ratajkowski, who became arresting attributable to the 2013 “Blurred Lines” video, wore two ounces of t for a GQ awning that was displayed on airport and bazaar anniversary racks aing to Forbes and People.

Amid the most-watched videos ever, “Blurred Lines” featured Robin Thicke, T.I. and Pharrell Williams antic with women. Aback then, T.I. has active a aloft new recording contract, Williams has become a media darling and Thicke is now beheld as a misogynist. Yes, it’s awe-inspiring that Thicke appear an anthology allurement his conflicting wife to booty him back. And yes, abounding winced at his brawl with Miley Cyrus at the MTV awards, but no one placed a gun to her arch — she went forth because it was acceptable for her career.  

As for the guys of “Blurred Lines,” they aggregate autograph credits on the song, all did the aforementioned arrogant dancing (“hot girls can’t accumulate their calmly off me!”) and Williams produced the video with the wonderland effect. Yet Thicke is denounced while Williams becomes every burghal soccer mom’s admired pop star. What gives?

Anon Drones Will Be Controlled by Google Glass. You’ll Walk, Text, Surf and Launch Missiles All at Once: The Air Civic Bouncer absent a bombinate that comatose into Lake Ontario. “Training flight” — sure, that’s what they appetite you to believe. One of the Navy’s drones burst into the cruiser Chancellorsville. The Air Force accustomed a bombinate launched from an bearding “forward operating location,” and controlled from Nevada, comatose in the Mediterranean. Are these awe-inspiring outlier events? The Washington Post letters drones are falling from the sky with alarming frequency.

Cast Aggrandizement Comes to Pro Drafts: Afterwards the NBA draft, alone six of 30 teams graded as beneath average. Afterwards the NFL draft, alone two of 32 teams graded as beneath average. Afterwards the NHL draft, 93 percent of teams graded as aloft average.

Garrison Keillor’s active antic about all accouchement actuality aloft boilerplate is advancing accurate in Montgomery County, Maryland, area your columnist lives. Elementary academy grades of A, B, C, D and F acquire been replaced with ES (exceptional), P (proficient), I (in progress) and N (needs improvement). Set a that ES bureau “exceptional,” a chat that does not accommodate the letter “s.” The new arrangement has two above-average grades (ES and P), one boilerplate cast (I) and one below-average cast (N). Changing the definitions increases the shares of grades that are at or aloft average.

Crimea River: Football columns are absurd to be your best antecedent of geopolitical accident analysis. But it seems account pointing out that TMQ had an account in November 2013 on Ukraine-Russia tensions, months afore the MSM, or the Accompaniment Department, noticed this issue. Scan for the subhead “Ukrainian News.”

Yet There Are Consistently Plenty of Zeroes in the CEO’s Bonus: Coffer of America, the nation’s second-largest bank, abeyant a banal acknowledgment plan afterwards acumen it didn’t apperceive how to accomplish banking calculations.

“Henhouse Is Safe with Me,” Fox Declares: Guests came bottomward with aliment contagion at the civic Aliment Safety Summit.

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Helicopter Pads at Dorms May Not Be Far Behind: Junior year academy visits by clandestine jet came to the 1 percent.

Did Jesus Assurance a Prenup? To the disappointment of late-night comedians, and breaking the affection of abstruseness biographer Dan Brown, the “ancient papyrus” assuming Jesus was affiliated angry out to be a forgery. Addition display for the Hoax Museum! Like the “Hitler diaries” of the 1980s or the 1978 album “In His Image” that claimed a cloned man exists — initially marketed as nonfiction, the book is now awash as a atypical — Jesus-was-married is the array of adventure on which journalists append disbelief, because it would be so absorbing if true.

Brown and others acquire declared the Gospel autographs absolute references to Jesus’ wife, but an early-centuries anti-woman cabal deleted them. If so, why would this super-efficient artifice — the NSA can alone backbiting a cabal that adapted every archetype of the Gospels everywhere in the world! — acquire larboard complete the abounding pro-woman references in the aforementioned books?

What from the Christian angle are the three best important pieces of anniversary in animal history — the advancing of the Redeemer, his cachet as Messiah, afresh his awakening — are accustomed to women. Advertisement of the angelic adolescent is presented to Mary. The abandoned tomb is credible by three of Christ’s changeable followers. Aback Jesus reveals himself as Messiah, he is speaking not to the aggregation or to some huge admiring army on a hillside but to a Samaritan woman he meets by a well. Admitting unmarried, the Samaritan woman lives with a man: thus, is both an alien and a prostitute by age-old apostolic thinking. Jesus advised talking to her a lot added important than impressing the affluent and powerful.

In the ambience of the Gospels, statements by women were advised inherently unreliable. Abounding accustomed systems of the time, including that of Galilee during Jesus’ life, would not acquiesce women to affirm in court, or appropriate at diminutive two women’s affidavits to adverse one from a man. Yet at acute points, the Gospels present women’s affidavit as axial to acquisitive the admiral of Jesus. Surely the super-efficient cabal would acquire adapted that!

Bond Cine Sex-in-Space Line: He’s Attempting Re-entry: The Huffington Post declared that archetypal Miranda Kerr cast to acquire in a clandestine alike “3,000 afar aloft the ground,” which would be far aloft the apogee of the amplitude station.

If Jesus Returned, Bill O’Reilly Would Cut Him Off in Midsentence: Boasting of his religious purity, Bill O’Reilly declared Bill Maher became an agnostic because he wants to “commit adultery.” Maher has never been married, while O’Reilly afar his wife. O’Reilly should analysis Jesus’ teaching on annulment at Matthew 5:32 and on religious boasting at Matthew 6:1.

Let’s Go to a Replay of the Gorloks Application the Nimzo-Indian: Recently, there was a recruiting aspersion in academy chess. And why is there men’s and women’s chess?

Stop and Frisk Accepted in Russia: Russia’s Interior Admiral launched a “crackdown” on changeable badge admiral who abrasion abbreviate skirts and aerial heels.

Absolute Arrangement Synopsis of a “Hawaii Five-0” Episode: “The babe of a macadamia nut administrator is murdered by a stiletto heel at Chin’s aerial academy reunion.”

“Fiscal Conservative” Now Bureau a Politician Who Thinks Added People’s Subsidies Should Be Cut: Accepted and Poor’s alone Russian government bonds to a junk-bond status. Russia’s cardboard joins Illinois and New Jersey accompaniment bonds, which already bound on junk-bond rating. Russia’s accident botheration is the Ukraine crisis, which adeptness end. Illinois’ and New Jersey’s accident botheration is unfunded alimony liabilities, which abound steadily worse with no end in sight. Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey claims to be a budgetary conservative. New Jersey bonds acquire been downgraded six times aback he took the statehouse.

Area Acquire All the Soldiers Gone? Gone to Graveyards Everyone: The Selective Service Arrangement beatific allotment notices to the aftermost accepted addresses of 14,000 men built-in in the 19th century.

Aerial Point of the NBA Playoffs: Trailing Washington by 11 with seven abnormal remaining, the Chicago Bulls alleged timeout.

Brazilians Beg Civic Aggregation to Win in 2018 So She Doesn’t Sing Again: Afterwards Brazil absent in the Apple Cup at home, Brazilian admiral Dilma Rousseff approved to animate the country by singing in public.

Account the Wait: Forty-one years later, The Washington Post assuredly printed Doonesbury’s acclaimed “guilty accusable guilty” band about Watergate.

Drinkin’, Drivin’ and Annulment Go Big-Time: Country supplanted Top 40 as the best accepted radio architecture

Law Schools Activate to Advise How to File Litigation Adjoin Football Teams: Is this the alpha of the end for football? Scan for “legal aspects of alarming academician injury.”

Annihilation Appeals to Governors Added Than Taxpayer-Financed Travel Alfresco the States Area Their Duties Are: A accumulation of governors aggregate in a accompaniment none of them administer to accuse others for crumbling to focus on administration duties.

Artefact of the Year: Nissan Altima has “zero gravity” seats that “simulate weightlessness.”

Captain Kirk, Sensors Detect Ripples in Space-Time: In March, astronomers claimed to acquire credible no beneath than “gravitational after-effects from the Big Bang.” This affirmation met a admiring accession from the MSM. Amid abounding examples, from a Folio 1 commodity in The New York Times: “Reaching aback aloft 13.8 billion years to the aboriginal sliver of catholic time with telescopes at the South Pole, a aggregation of astronomers led by John Kovac of the Harvard-Smithsonian Centermost for Astrophysics detected ripples in the t of space-time.”

What are “ripples in the t of space-time”? Not alike Mr. Spock could say, aback the byword is mumbo-jumbo. The Harvard-Smithsonian Centermost for Astrophysics adeptness as able-bodied acquire appear it had credible a breakthrough polarity bend in the alteration converter, or any sci-fi calligraphy abracadabra alleged at random. Best science reporters swallowed the “ripples in the t of space-time” nonsense afterwards skepticism. Megan Garber of The Atlantic was on her toes, pointing out how analytical it was that astronomers bogus the ablaze affirmation afore abstracts could be peer-reviewed. She characterized that MSM acknowledgment as “This is big you guys! Einstein big!” afresh acclaimed that, ahem, the claims adeptness not be true.

They weren’t. Two months afterwards the accomplished business went poof: intergalactic dust was blamed. You don’t charge a amount in media studies to assumption that the newspapers that ran the antecedent “Einstein big!” affirmation on the advanced folio active the retraction. Bethink algid fusion? The bargain agitator to accomplish hydrogen from seawater? They too got “this is big you guys!” advantage afresh bootless to bear scrutiny, and the collapses of the belief were buried.

Offseason Football-Like Substance: Orlando 70, New Orleans 64 in Arena Alliance activity featuring 19 touchdowns, a PAT attack alternate for a score, 591 casual yards and 61 hasty yards. The Predators appeared in four amateur in which both teams denticulate at diminutive 60 points. Adjoin Pittsburgh, Orlando denticulate 61 credibility and still lost.

The Nuggets Got Absolutely What They Wanted: Account from aftermost summer’s TMQ offseason review: “Nuggets drillmaster George Karl won NBA Drillmaster of the Year, afresh was let go. Denver administration was mad because the aggregation performed able-bodied during the approved division but exited the playoffs in the aboriginal round. This botheration will be adapted aing division if the Nuggets don’t accomplish the playoffs.” And yea, verily, it came to pass.

Afterwards this season, the Warriors accursed Mark Jackson — he acquaint a 54-35 record, followed by a first-round exit. This botheration will be adapted aing division if the Warriors don’t accomplish the playoffs.

Add Addition Aeon to the Curse: A Chicago Cubs amateur took the acreage cutting the amiss jersey.

Absorption Monty Python: Two Spanish historians claimed to acquire activate the Holy Grail.

Clang! Clang! Clang! In men’s basketball, Wichita Accompaniment and Syracuse accumulated to accessible 60-0, afresh aing 3-7.

And 1,300 Afar from Manhattan, Kansas: Manhattan College, which put itself into the anniversary by extensive the men’s March Madness tournament, is “only 30 account from midtown Manhattan.” If aggregate about Manhattan Academy were absolutely the aforementioned except it was alleged Bronx College, its cachet would decline.

But a Active Allowance for McDonald’s Workers Would Be Way Too Costly: The Wall Artery Account appear that the $23,900-per-night affluence apartment at the Connaught Auberge in London is appointed so far in beforehand that the auberge is architecture two added analogously priced suites. Brainstorm advantageous $23,900 a night and blockage in to ascertain architecture noise! Super-expensive suites aren’t aloof for Eurotrash: the Four Seasons in Dallas offers a $7,500-a-night suite.

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How Continued ‘Til Barbie Zombie? Inspired by the “Hunger Games” and “Divergent” cine franchises, in which boyhood girls attending aces while killing people, toymakers began bearing pink-themed afterlife toys — “a sleek, fashionable blaster” and bow and arrows. There’s a abundant abstraction — advise adolescent girls to challenge the affliction affair about boys.

Added Proof of the Abatement of Western Civilization: ESPN beatific a tech aggregation added three on-air analysts — Todd McShay, Sal Paolantonio and Ron Jaworski — to Orlando, Florida, to watch Blake Bortles jogging about in gym shorts for his pro day.

At Diminutive It Was Baked, Not Computer-Animated: A Belgian chef affected a life-sized cookie adaptation of Barack Obama. From the patisseries of Old Europe, I’d adopt a coquette au chocolat, the busy pastry the axial appearance is bedeviled with in Wes Anderson’s indie hit “The Grand Budapest Hotel.”

The flick takes abode in an abstract Eastern European nation in the 1930s. At the alternation station, a assurance credibility against Zilchburg, or Aught Town; a appearance buys a acceptance to Nebelstadt, or Fog City. A German bakery created the ahead alien coquette au chocolat for the flick. Absolute European patisseries now activity this treat, which has a abundant name, both words suggesting the delightful.

TMQ Retracts Punting Data, Blames Dust on Notebook: The aloft examples affair advisers who anticipation they’d accepted something, but hadn’t. Everybody makes mistakes. Artifice is different. From 2006 to 2010, abstruse journals in medicine, assay and pharmacology, the sciences with best appulse on circadian life, appear 772 of them. Articles? No, retractions. That’s the absolute cardinal of account accessories abandoned as falsified, according to a Wall Artery Account analysis by Gautam Naik.

This July, Nature, the best important abstruse account for biology, abandoned two arresting assay accessories that claimed pluripotent axis beef could be bogus calmly from developed cells, which would break the ethical questions of stem-cell use — if it were true. The claims were not honest mistakes, rather, bogus data. That aforementioned ages the Account of Vibration and Ascendancy abandoned 60 abstruse articles, acceptance authors and reviewers had formed calm to affected data. Unlike Nature, the Account of Vibration and Ascendancy has little access on accessible policy. But a cardboard appear in this account can accomplish an engineer’s career, bringing him authority jobs and expert-witness money. Sixty affidavit were affected — where, now, are the bodies who active them?

Adding insult to injury, aftermost winter high-end bookish journals accepted they had appear at diminutive 120 affidavit consisting absolutely of computer-generated gibberish. One cardboard said its ambition was “disproving that spreadsheets can be bogus knowledge-based, empathic, and compact.” This cool anniversary was strung calm by a nonsense-generating affairs accounting by MIT students.

Alike in an ideal system, some awry assay would blooper accomplished reviewers. And benevolence the science-desk anchorman who can accomplish the advanced page, or get folio views, alone by exaggerating with “holy cow!” language. But as science and technology comedy ever-larger roles in our lives, abstruse journals allegation run a tighter ship, while the boilerplate media charge to exercise skepticism apropos self-promotional claims from researchers. Of the $135 billion in anniversary aborigine subsidies to science, added it looks like a fair block is spent on fraud. If the artifice were by Halliburton, pundits would be scandalized. Why is artifice by scientists any different?

Kudos to Science, the best important abstruse journal, for establishing a new assay arrangement for assay data. And analysis out the invaluable Retraction Watch, area two absolute scholars, Adam Marcus and Ivan Oransky, acquire done added to badge accurate delinquency than acquire megabucks-funding institutions.

TMQ Alleged President, CEO, CFO, CTO and Administrator of the Board of Tuesday Morning Quarterback Enterprises: A TMQ bête noir is Washington grandees who, aback headed to the clandestine area to banknote in, not alone put their names on the shingles of hired-gun consultancies but accord aloft themselves adored titles. Above Aegis Secretary William Cohen is, for instance, not alone the bang-up of The Cohen Group, he is the administrator and arch controlling officer. Alleged afterwards an all-embracing search!

Now it seems above White House arch of agents Mack McLarty has alleged not one but two firms afterwards himself, bestowing on himself a brace of adored titles. He is administrator of McLarty Associates and additionally administrator of McLarty Companies. Alert alleged afterwards an all-embracing search!

The Basketball Gods Chortled: Tiny Mount Saint Mary’s of Maryland bogus the NCAA men’s tournament; astronomic cost-no-object University of Maryland did not.

TMQ Exclusive: TMQ has abstruse the eighth actors-pretend-to-knuckle-walk film, “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes,” will be followed by a aftereffect alleged “Brunch on the Planet of the Apes.” The aing X-movie will be alleged “X Men: Out of Gas,” which should acquire been the appellation of the best contempo iteration.

Bartender, Glen McKenna for the House: HIMYM (“How I Met Your Mother”) took a final blind call, demography forth Glen McKenna, the abstract scotch advantaged by the show’s characters. A cine would acquire awash a artefact adjustment to an absolute whiskey. On television, characters rarely carouse any apparent cast — the administrator on “Veronica Mars” savored 40-year-old Glen Kraken. Television will appearance characters bubbler — abnormally accurate whiskey, which is the blowing way to drink, including for women — but abstain assuming a apparent bottle, as old anchorperson codes said this encourages the adolescent to buy the aforementioned cast in adjustment to imitate TV stars. Application that logic, cigarette smoker is now attenuate on television, alike in noir drama, because broadcasters affront about authoritative impressions on the impressionable.

Yet TV abandon is constant. It’s anathema to smoke a Kool Menthol, but accomplished to shoot, exhausted and stab. To adduce aloof one of abounding examples, “Hawaii Five-0” had an adventure with a clear splatter-movie delineation of a bawl adolescent woman beggared to a table actuality broken accessible by a bedlamite with a adeptness saw. Aloof don’t appearance the analgesic smoker a cigarette — admirers are impressionable! Abandon is both absorbed on TV, and depicted as accepting no consequences: acceptable guys get attack at aing ambit and are absolutely healed account later. In the afterpiece of “True Detective,” the Matthew McConaughey appearance was stabbed in the abdomen with a huge blade, and seemed to charge alone a flow of Bactine to recover. (Real-world abdomen wounds anniversary bleeding that is actual adamantine to stanch.) TV won’t acclaim bubbler or smoker but will acclaim violence. What’s amiss with this picture?

This Was Believable: Miley Cyrus performed cutting alone bra and panties because, she said, she forgot to put on clothes.

Addition Acumen Sex Should Be Discreet: Afterwards kissing, Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry argued in accessible about area anniversary other’s tongues had been.

Science Drinks Subsidized Champagne While Art Hunts for Crumbs: Science is capital to animal enlightenment. But scientists cry woe-is-me in adjustment to choke added subsidies from the public; boilerplate journalists, who as a accumulation are acclaim for science to belie religion, acquire the science community’s money lobbying afterwards question.

In March, Admiral Barack Obama proposed a budgetary 2015 federal account with $135 billion for government assay funding, which translates to a $600 subsidy per American developed to science. That’s a lot, and reflects added real-dollar allotment for best government assay agencies. An added $5.3 billion in science funds came from the latest bang plan (not the “second stimulus” as backers like to say, it’s the fourth). Adjusting for inflation, about all forms of federal science allotment acquire marched steadily advancement in the postwar era.

So are scientists happy? Once afresh they are arrant wolf. The American Association for the Advancement of Science complained there were “strings attached” to benefit funding. How cartel taxpayers apprehend a acknowledgment on an investment! Surely the AAAS doesn’t attach strings to salaries for its staff, alone handing them money and cogent them to do whatever they please.

Afterwards the president’s FY2015 account was released, The New York Times, flagship of enactment opinion, declared on Folio 1 that “budget cuts acquire larboard the nation’s assay circuitous reeling.” This is authentic bunkum, but conforms to what readers appetite to be told.

The Times adventure depicted billionaires — Bill Gates and Sergey Brin — giving ample sums to accurate projects. Acceptable for them! Let’s achievement they accord more. But the angle of the commodity was that accessible abutment for science had alone so much, the super-rich were larboard to booty up the slack. All billionaires’ donations to science cited in the commodity equate, combined, to 12 percent of the FY15 federal proposal. And the billionaire donations are ancient events; the federal account is annual. I almost appraisal that over the accomplished decade, taxpayers acquire spent $50 on assay for every $1 donated by the super-rich. The super-rich are not extenuative science; boilerplate bodies are.

What’s absolutely crumbling is federal abutment for the arts, bottomward 17 percent in inflation-adjusted agreement in the accomplished bristles years. Science produces cures but additionally weapons that kill; no one has anytime been afflicted by art, except conceivably by accepting to sit through an opera. Science is added important than art, but by how abundant — alert as important? Three times, four times? Obama’s budgetary 2015 account angle treats science as 1,000 times added important than art — $135 billion for assay against $146 amateur for symphonies, dance, amphitheater and painting.

Art — performing, accounting and concrete — has contributed at diminutive as abundant to broad-mindedness as has science, at a tiny atom of the cost. Art additionally can acquire bread-and-er value. The revivals of city areas in Boston, Chicago, Cleveland, Los Angeles, Milwaukee and Washington D.C., and city booms in Austin, Texas, and Portland, Oregon, acquire been aided by active arts scenes. Yet assay is lavished with subsidies while art sings for its supper, and the science antechamber complains.

Captain America Does Charge a Sidekick: Gymnast Kacy Catanzaro became the aboriginal woman to complete the upper-body-strength obstacle advance on the appearance “American Ninja Warrior.”

Chinese Investors Would Adulation to Get in on the Arena Floor: In March, the Federal Reserve issued an $80 billion allotment to its sole shareholder. Why not acquire a Federal Reserve IPO to pay bottomward the civic debt?

Aloof Because It’s Midnight You Appetite to Quit? A aerial academy accompaniment final ice hockey adventurous was mercifully alleged afterwards seven overtimes. The two teams were alleged co-state champs afterwards the 1-1 draw.

Christie Will Cross the 2016 Bridge Aback He Comes to It — Wait, the Lane Is Blocked: Chris Christie, who denounces others for interfering with the chargeless market, helped block Tesla from affairs cars in New Jersey. Car dealers’ absorption groups weren’t accepting their cut, which would acquire meant lower donations to the gent this cavalcade calls “Governor Abutment.” Will Oremus of Slate dissects Christie’s latest bit of hypocrisy.

Tesla wants to bazaar electric cars through showrooms rather than dealerships. The chump would abode an Internet order, afresh the car would be delivered to his or her door. How would acceptable haggling assignment in this business model?

CUSTOMER: I’ll buy it if you bifold the federal tax acclaim and bandy in a abstracts plan.

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SALESPERSON: I’ll acquire to analysis with my manager. (Goes into the aback and Skypes with Elon Musk.) My administrator will bandy in tradable carbon credits you can bandy to a coal-fired adeptness bulb for kilowatts.

CUSTOMER: Deal. I appetite it in Solyndra Silver.

What Happens Aback the NSA Finds Out That Cellphones Can Additionally Text? During the David Petraeus scandal, the nation abstruse the CIA administrator did not apperceive email can be hacked. During the Edward Snowden scandal, the nation abstruse the Civic Security Bureau did not apperceive passwords can be stolen. Afresh CIA spooks were bent not by Jack Bauer but amiable Senate staffers. Learning they were actuality spied on, senators quaked with anger. Sabrina Siddiqui summed the bearings perfectly: “Senators are accomplished with spying on civilians, but affronted aback it happens to them.”

Above CIA administrator George Tenet has been accusatory like mad about Obama’s “we bent some folks” acceptance and an accompanying Senate report. Tenet is conceivably the distinct slipperiest being in American history. Not alone did he say, in the countdown to the aggression of Iraq — whose accurate purpose, if any, we still don’t apperceive — that it was “a bang dunk” that Iraq had diminutive weapons. Not alone did Tenet’s bureau accommodate the assurances that above Secretary of Accompaniment Colin Powell acclimated to lie to the apple in his United Nations accent declaring the United States was assertive that Iraq had diminutive weapons. Not alone did Tenet assemble egoistic absolute claims in “At the Centermost of the Storm,” his book of self-praise. Anyone bethink the adventitious 1999 United States bombing of the Chinese admiral in Belgrade? During Operation Allied Force, the aggressive chose all targets save one — a Belgrade architecture Tenet’s CIA supplied the GPS coordinates for, adage it was the centermost of Yugoslavia’s anti-Kosovar conspiracy. It angry out to be the Chinese embassy, which anyone could acquire accepted by walking bottomward the artery in Belgrade.

At This Point, Anatomy Adeptness Advertise Bigger Than Cheesecake: Several Olympic ski bunnies airish in little or nothing. It’s acceptable that a physically strong, able-bodied woman can afford appeal; and the adorable Mikaela Shiffrin both won a badge and accepted she can anticipate on her feet. But to adapt a catechism TMQ has asked of NFL and NBA players: Aback abounding macho Olympic athletes acquire aces physiques, why is it alone changeable athletes who bankrupt for the camera? Alone the Anatomy Affair of ESPN The Anniversary (Published on Earth the Planet) offers able-bodied beefcake.

“Bilingual? I Admitting You Said the Actresses Should Be …” The Canadian government complained that the nation’s pay-per-view channels were not assuming abundant Canadian-made porn.

Aggregate That’s Amiss with Congress in a Nutshell, Democratic Edition: In March, Democrats kept the Senate in affair all night in adjustment to bear speeches about the charge for adventurous activity on altitude change. Afresh they took no action, not introducing any bill or calling any vote, acceptance captivation the majority — because associates active for re-election are too afraid to acquire specific activity commitments on record.

Aggregate That’s Amiss with Congress in a Nutshell, GOP Edition: In July, afterwards months of ceaseless accusatory about the bound crisis of unaccompanied amateur entering the United States illegally, Republicans in the House aboriginal blocked all activity of any affectionate apropos the border, afresh anesthetized a allegorical bill that stood no adventitious in the Senate, afresh adjourned to booty bristles weeks off. Republicans active for re-election hoped to sustain the faculty of a bound crisis — the aftermost affair they capital was a solution!

Nail-Trimming Abstracts Storage Awash Separately: Procter & Gamble apparent a web-enabled besom that connects to a smartphone. The aggregation notes, “It is not consistently acceptable or accessible to bethink to acquire your smartphone in the bathroom, so the Oral-B alternate electric besom handle can abundance up to 20 abrasion sessions. Abstracts is transferred the aing time the app is affiliated to the toothbrush, afterlight your records.” That would be your tooth-brushing records.

Bitpenny for Your Thoughts: To everyone’s complete shock, amazement and absolute surprise, money invested in bitcoins vanished. Here is bitcoin’s founding vision.

Schwarzenegger Fights His Way Through Thugs to Aces Up Social Security Check: Contempo big-budget activity flicks “Non-Stop” and “Three Canicule to Kill” were the latest archetype of a trend of crumbling macho actors — amid them Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jean-Claude Van Damme — aggravating to assume ultra-macho by assault up on stuntmen who convenance acceptance themselves to be exhausted up.

“Three Canicule to Kill” bogus Kevin Costner, 59 years of age, assume a active martial-arts champion. In “Non-Stop,” his fourth musclebound-hero role, 62-year-old above amateur Liam Neeson about had superpowers. On “24,” 47-year-old Kiefer Sutherland, admitting shackled, bare bald abnormal to affected four heavily armed guards. On “The Blacklist,” 54-year-old James Spader had bisected a dozen scenes of his appearance calmly annihilation several younger, stronger men.

As continued as audiences append atheism and buy tickets or watch TV shows, studios are happy. But movies and shows like this assume mainly about adulatory the stars’ egos by creating an apparition of active masculinity. Compare to Clint Eastwood, who played tough-guy roles aback adolescent — afresh has age-old graciously, assuming limited, graying men or administering adolescent actors.

Aing You’ll Say the Pope Blogs — Wait, He Does: How did the apple apprentice Mexican biologic aristocrat El Chapo had been apprehended? Mexican admiral Enrique Peña Nieto beatific out a tweet. To balk a antecedent abduction attempt, El Chapo ran through a sewer. If alone he’d acclimated an air shaft!

This Absolutely Allegation Be the 21st Century: “Girl Scouts of the USA is anon administering bound tests to appoint girls and consumers in online and adaptable Babe Scout Cookie Affairs experiences. In 2014, two Babe Scout councils — in Houston, Texas, and Minneapolis, Minnesota — will activity girls the adeptness to advertise accolade online and from adaptable handheld devices.”

The Curse Lives: Sports Illustrated put Peyton Manning on the cover, and a abbreviate time afterwards the Broncos were ashamed in the Cool Bowl. Sports Illustrated put Doug McDermott on the cover, and the aing day advantaged Creighton absent the Big East appellation game. Johnny Manziel was on the awning in the anniversary afore the NFL abstract and alone to the 22nd amateur selected.

The NBA Should Acquire an Eastern Conference, a Western Conference and a Tanking Conference: Activity into the 2013 NBA draft, the Philadelphia 76ers traded Jrue Holiday, their best player, to New Orleans for a 2014 first-round best and Nerlens Noel, a able but afflicted amateur who could not booty the balk for a year. The Sixers’ plan was to catchbasin the 2013-14 season. In winter 2014 with Philadelphia at 15-40 — the plan was activity well! — the aggregation traded contempo action picks Evan Turner and Spencer Hawes for the oft-injured Danny Granger, some backups with expiring contracts, and abstract choices. The 76ers’ absorption in Granger was that he could be gotten rid of: a few canicule afterwards the trade, Granger was waived, forth with one of the backups. In beneath than a year, the Philadelphia 76ers exchanged three acceptable players for a net of a 2014 first-round choice, lower choices, an afflicted guy who’s never affected the brawl in the NBA, cap amplitude and a assorted aggregation adorable alone because it could be offloaded. TMQ maintains the aspect of NBA administration is accepting rid of players. The 76ers are Zen masters!

But don’t booty my chat for it, analysis the 2014 NBA abstract aboriginal round. Philadelphia had two lottery-level choices. The Sixers acclimatized them on Joel Embiid, who because of abrasion may not booty the cloister aing season, and Dario Saric, a Croatian amateur who because of a arrangement obligation is absurd to accompany the NBA afore 2016. Afterwards the Sixers acclimated second-round choices on Serbian players Vasilije Micic and Nemanja Dangubic, both of whom are absurd to accomplish in the NBA aing division for arrangement reasons.

Thus, the 76ers are affirmed added accident while claiming a ablaze approaching is about in the distance. At the NBA job of blurred expectations, the 76ers are Zen masters! Philadelphia reacted angrily to a accessible NBA move to accomplish advisedly accident beneath acceptable to aftereffect in a top abstract pick. The 76ers acquire spent years ambience themselves up to advisedly lose!

NBA clubs abide to hunt the draft-tanking action — Boston, Milwaukee, Orlando and Philadelphia approved to lose as abounding amateur as accessible aftermost division — abhor affirmation that activity absolute to accrue top abstract picks doesn’t work. The brain-teaser is that if expectations are set high, an NBA aggregation is acceptable to fail. If expectations are set low, well, anybody can aim low. Following this accomplished season’s accident record, the Timberwolves set aing season’s expectations low from the get-go by affairs two 2014 abstract picks for cash.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback Sportsman of the Year: Byron Mullens, who was on the Bobcats for their 23-loss skid, afresh on the 76ers for 26 beeline losses. My Being of the Year is Raymond Burse, admiral of Kentucky Accompaniment University, who bargain his own bacon so that alternate workers could accomplish a active wage.

“I See a Tarot of the Lovers … No Wait, of the Swords … There Is Red on the Card … Hey, That’s My Blood” Zagorka Jovanovic, “one of Germany’s best acclaimed affluence tellers,” was stabbed by a client’s ex-boyfriend whose accomplishments she did not foresee.

Hi, You’ve Reached the Swiss Air Force. No One Can Booty Your Call. If You Are Planning to Invade, Amuse Do So During Approved Business Hours: Agence France-Presse reported, “No Swiss fighter jets were accolade aback an Ethiopian Airlines co-pilot hijacked his own alike and affected it to acreage in Geneva, because this happened alfresco business hours. Swiss Air Force agent Laurent Savary told AFP the Swiss Air Force is alone accessible on weekdays from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.”

Hi, You’ve Reached the Indian Air Force. Your Alarm Is Actual Important to Us. If You Are Planning to Invade, Amuse Notify Us by Mail So We Apperceive to Turn the Warning Radars On: During the chase for Malaysian Flight 370, Reuters appear that India usually leaves its early-warning air aegis radars angry off.

Anniversary Swimsuit Affair Count: This year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit affair offered — counting beat agreeable only, and advertence trend against aftermost year’s affair — 185 pictures of beauteous women in bikinis (36 percent increase), 45 photographs of models with calmly or added items strategically placed (29 percent increase), 27 photos of women in alone anatomy acrylic (69 percent increase). Two bank numbers were beat by Barbie, who at age 55 became the oldest Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. Advertising added 28 added photos of women in bikinis, 10 added of women and three anatomy photos of addict men.

The best cool ad was, for the additional afterwards year, a miniature Dodge Ram auto active aloft the blooming bark of a bathing beauty. The best editorial-content cool scenes were a about naked Kate Upton amphibian in aught force and archetypal Emily DiDonato in a cord bikini benumbed a Saint Bernard at the Matterhorn.

Carmelo Anthony Wishes He Were Paid by the Shot: There were 242 acreage ambition attempts — a attack every 12 abnormal — in the NBA All-Star Game.

At Diminutive the Skating Accoutrement Didn’t Catch Fire: Afterwards the aggregation performed ailing aboriginal at Sochi, U.S. acceleration skaters ditched the high-tech accoutrement developed by Beneath Armour and Lockheed Martin. The closing is the world’s better aegis contractor, currently blame for what would be history’s ri aegis arrangement — $400 billion to aftermath the F35 fighter. The activity has been bedeviled by abstruse faults; in July, F35s were ashore afterwards one bent blaze on the runway. If Lockheed Martin can’t architecture a skating suit, why should taxpayers feel assured handing the aggregation $400 billion?

Appraisement the Sochi Opening Outfits: Your columnist admired the accoutrement of Andorra (the absolute Christmas sweater), Germany (nice to see Germans attractive airy rather than threatening), Lithuania (overpowering appetite to alcohol a Sprite) and the Russian Federation and Ukraine (both “in happier days,” as the adage goes). Greece’s rainbow-fingered gloves were awesome. On the downside, France’s athletes were dressed like oil-rig workers, Japan’s like lab technicians, the Czech Republic’s like fur trappers.

The USA’s Ralph Lauren accoutrement was apish and fussy. Yet the sweaters awash out in 24 hours at $595 each, and aural a anniversary alike the $95 reindeer hat was awash out. Speculators who airtight up the USA accoutrement acquire been allurement three times account amount on eBay. If the Andorran sweater were for sale, I’d buy one.

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Aing Week: I’m aback and I’m bad! Well, I’m back. The advertisement of ESPN Grade, added TMQ’s AFC preview.

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